A life less ordinary
“I truly believe that in order to be successful you must do what you love, that way you don’t live your life in regret. I’m doing what I love and like any love affair it has its ups and downs.”
------ Tom Larkin (Shihad)
23 May 2002
Well, I told some of you during Chinese New Year that this is going to take months... guess it’s finally here - my personal website. It has been tough trying to make it happen in Cambodia. I had to work on the Microsoft FrontPage software which is the only web designing software available in the school. It’s been also a nightmare trying to assemble pictures for my webpage. With the internet connection speed at 26.4 kbps, I only managed to get a handful of the pics I would love to have despite spending hours each day in front of the PC. Moreover, many pics I wish to use are left in S’pore. But the biggest problem got to be my procrastination. After sitting on my initiate work for months, I finally I decided to simply do it in black and white and make do with whatever I had on hand.
My website is simple and contains little. It was done out of boredom. I have no real message to send across to anyone. It’s more like a collage of what I’m fond of and what I’m willing to share. The section 'I Me Mine' is based primarily on my past and my interest. 'Kampuchea' is more about my adventure in Cambodia. In 'I Me Mine' I had put in a section on the things you guys had said or you guys had heard others said. Guess whatever is quoted should be quite innocuous. As for myself, I would have loved to say everything I wanted to. Unfortunately some things can’t be shared over the internet. I’ll see what I can add on in the future but for now what you see is what you get...
30 May 2002
It's 4am right now. Can't get to sleep even with the beer. Perhaps its a good time to continue with my webpage. Just been requested by my boss to try and stay for a bit longer in Cambodia. He is talking about having me renew my stay every 3 months or so. Love to do that but there is always a question of how long more. Bet I'll be pretty lost touch with S'pore by then. Perhaps I already am...
Pardon me for knowing it late, but I just read about the SDU trying to teach S'porean how to date in the TIME magazine. Gosh... what is the government trying this time. Guess we always have to be educated on how to do things...
World Cup is starting tomorrow. Cambodia, like Singapore, is pro England. David Beckham is like God... As for me I prefer all the underdogs like Portugal and Spain. Bet it's going to be fun watching the games with the children.
6 June 2002
Just got my hands on an old but good Nikon F-601 camera with a Sigma lens. My boss managed to dig it out of his closet and I'm put to the task of handling it. Been playing around with it for the pass few days. Hope to master it and do some photography during my free time. Anyway, there is a fantastic Fuji digital camera with me too. All courtesy of my boss. Btw, the sunset here is really nice, especially these few days where there is always clouds appearing on the horizon giving it a golden red skyline. Hope to snap some of these wonderful sights.
16 June 2002
Been getting many comments about my website lately. Just like to thanks all of you for the support and encouragement. It is obvious from some mails that my website wasn't very impressive but I can sense that most of you are trying to put it in a positive light. Some remarks include "simple but better than complicated ones", plain looking but interesting","...nevertheless a good effort" and " MS FrontPage! Understandable... it's not your fault". Hmm... Wouldn't it be nice if I include these comments on my 'Some Might Say' section. But nah... although fun is the word, it may still pisses some of you off. Won't want to receive mails with message like "F..king bastard! My comments are sincere!"
To the World Cup now. I can't believe my beloved Portugal is eliminated. Hope that Spain last a bit longer. Their match with Ireland is going to start in a few hours time. There are lots of imitation football jersey being sold in Phnom Penh. Maybe I should buy a couple of them. In fact I bought an official FIFA World Cup " Fevernova" ball for the children. Got the ball from the one and only Adidas boutique. Mind you, there are no big name shops in this country. Adidas is probably the only one around. No Nike, no Bata, no U2, no Swatch, no World of Sports, no Nokia shop, no HMV or Towers, no Mc Donald's and no 7-Eleven. So you can forget about Armani. Naturally, Cambodian look upon the Adidas shop like we S'poreans view LV, Burberry and other branded boutiques.
Lastly, I just read in the Bangkok Post that Moby was in S'pore recently. Crime. He should have come when I was around.
29 June 2002
It's getting boring here. It's been 3 weeks since I went Phnom Penh. The longest since my arrival in Cambodia. Been reading a lot these days since it's the only thing I can do. Really need to find something else that can occupy more of my time. Guess I'm beginning to miss some stuffs in S'pore. Miss the laksa and the comics and also the hanging out.
I've just added two more pages to my website. The hyperlinks to Tonle Sap and Phnom Penh are now clickable. I've yet to add the the pictures I've taken into it. I'll do so as soon as I scan them. Hopefully the pics will give u a better ideal of the place I'm describing.
So it is Germany and Brazil in the cup final. Glad it is on Sunday because I won't be teaching. Since my beloved Spain is out there can only be Brazil for me to support. Can't believe the World Cup is finishing tomorrow. That will means even more boredom.
4 July 2002
Went to a faraway remote village this morning. It was quite a poor village. The inhabitants live in run down houses near a smelly swamp. Their main source of income used to come from fishing. However, the government sold their stretch of the river to a fishing corporation. Now they just have to try and survive on the little farming that they undertake. There is no fresh water to speak of. Their water source comes direct from the swamp. I witness children drinking directly from the brownish water. Education is almost non existant. The children though is full of laughter. The school is planning to donate some stuff over there. And that may include a new statue of the Buddha. The current one lost one of his arms and also broke part of its body.
Good news. Just been told that I'll be able to head for Thailand soon. Although it is primarily for work there is a good chance for me to go on my shopping spree. Things are just lacking in this town. Phnom Penh is much more equipped but I'm getting a bit sick of it. Bangkok would be a welcome relief.
Finally the World Cup is over. As expected Brazil won. Not really that exciting I would say. I didn't even sit up when Ronaldo scored. Maybe it is due to the language. Live matches were transmitted from Thailand and they did not include any English soundtrack.
16 July 2002
Last weekend I went to Phnom Penh with a few friends. We headed for a discotheque during the night. The disco played some 'ah beng' techno ranging from the Venga Boys to the Butterfly song and even Cantonese dance numbers! Without doubt it was the wrong place to be but with the alcohol running wild in my veins those crappy music seemed bearable. The one positive thing on the night was the girls. My perception was that girls in S'pore were generally nicer in term of look. However, after going to the disco I guess the score is some what even. I seldom see many pretty girls on the street in Cambodia but there was surely a massive pack in there.
Enjoying the sights of these pretty girls was one thing, witnessing their behaviour was another story. Some of them drank till they puked at their seats and all over themselves. Some were more interested in going from table to table to 'socialize' with the few older men or Caucasian around. A few dance throughout the night in one motion... Shaking their heads when we arrived and still doing so when we left. What a night for them.
By the way, I have done some changes on my webpage "under the influence". Do check it out.
23 July 2002
Lately the days are getting slower as I have been told to cut down on my English classes because it is now the school holidays in Cambodia. Most part of these days I just spend playing computer games which I bought from Phnom Penh. They are those kind of silly but addictive strategy games that seemingly take forever. No problems with that as for the past few days I had been playing from afternoon to morning... Of course that means that I sleep between morning to afternoon.
The school is expanding rapidly. From my first day here till now, the area of the school has almost doubled. Some adjacent land has been acquired by my boss and a clinic has been built. The inauguration of the clinic will be on the 9th of August. As the fund for the clinic was sponsored by a number of S'poreans, the school has been obliged to invite them to witness its opening ceremony. The guest will include the S'pore ambassador, perhaps the governor of the province and some government officials. I've already been assigned the job of using the video camera to record the event.
Right now I do have another duty. A rather interesting and unexpected one. As the inauguration will be on S'pore's National Day, S'pore's National Anthem will be played on that day. To impress the guest I have been ordered to teach the S'pore's National Anthem to some of the kids in school. Yesterday was the first day I taught them and they seems to learn it pretty fast. The harder part was to get the music and lyrics for the training. Believe me, and I bet most of you guys out there are just like me, I don't really know the exact meaning or pronunciation of the song. Throughout my entire school days I just mumble the lyrics and sing according to whatever I heard from my peers. To overcome this problem I went to search the www. To my surprise I can't believe how many patriotic people there are out there publishing various 'I love S'pore' websites. They have all the songs, the translations, the government slogans... speak Mandarin, don't litter, don't f..king feed the pigeons... Wah Kao! Anyway, I knew my problem was solved once I saw these websites.
6 August 2002
A new English teacher has arrived and now I am trying to help her settle down. She seems to have a way with children especially the very younger ones. That's good because the younger ones are the ones I find most difficult to teach. I am not a person that is good at creating games and singing with the kids. I am more inclined towards conducting my lesson in a more adult manner. I like discussion and conversation which is not possible with the younger ones.
Besides that I am currently spending most of my time getting ready for 9 August, which is the day of the school's clinic inauguration. My boss has just got a video camera for the inauguration. He puts me to task to learn how to operate it. I have already been appointed the official cameraman for the event. After the inauguration I plan to get one of my colleagues to record some of my daily activities here. Maybe I can send or bring one of it back to S'pore to enlighten you guys on how life is for me here. Till then just log on to my website once in a while to get an update.
When I am not busy with the preparation I usually spend some time surfing the net or play games like the Age of Empires, Shogun Total War. It is school holiday now so time is passing a little bit slower.
12 August 2002
At last the inauguration for the clinic is over. The S'poreans had returned back to S'pore. The last couple of days were very eventful. In Cambodian standard - very hectic. Besides the inauguration there were also distribution of relief at poor villages, praying at the temple, visit to the local hospital, party at school, dance performances by the students... This was the busiest period I have known since my arrival.
It was great to see some old friends. We chat a lot. Mostly about my future here and also some memorable time we spent together in the past. The chatting was fun especially since I had not been using my 'talking cock' language for quite some time. However the topic we discussed means that I am reminded of my rather aimless life once again.
I will be heading for Thailand with two colleagues this Friday. The school is taking a two weeks break. Good time to go back to some big city lifestyle.
30 August 2002
Good to be back again. Well, guess the big city lifestyle doesn't really interest me as much as I thought initially. My trip to Thailand in most part was a waste of money. But at least I got some good books to keep me company. More importantly, I got another tattoo. This new one is between my shoulders. As usual, some meaningless tribal design. I said during the start of the year that one of my wish for 2002 was to get a new tattoo. Therefore this one gives me quite a lot of satisfaction.
As for the journey itself to Thailand, the weather was so bad and the roads were even worse. At one stage somebody's car got stuck in the mud at a single lane road and ended up blocking all the cars behind. With no other choice everyone had to help the poor fellow push his car out of the mud in the pouring rain. The holes on the roads can be really massive like being bombed by some B-52s. My colleagues call it the 'disco road' because of the way one have to shake one's body in the car. Anyway, that was the first and the last time I am going to use that route. What a phobia!
It's my 27th birthday tomorrow. I am going to throw a party for all the kids. It will be the second time I spend my birthday overseas. Two years ago I spent my 25th birthday in Sydney with my Thai friend, Mike. It was a quiet affair but at least he was around. This time round no one from the gang or innercircle is going to be here. Nevertheless, it is going to be the first time that I will throw a party for almost 80 people. Something new is going to take place again and I am happy about it.
6 September 2002
I had a great birthday party on the 31st of last month. My colleagues here had a birthday cake made for me, then we had the normal procedure of the birthday song, wish making and cutting of the cake, throwing of cake at each other... Next we had disco in one of the classroom and finally I joined some of the workers and the older students for a few rounds of liquor. Sounds like the usual stuff but being held in Cambodia made all the differences.
I received plenty of presents too. All kinds of stuffs from notebook to soft toys to eeh... skin whitening cream! Well, although I myself is against the idea of giving presents to one another during birthdays, nevertheless to get gifts from my students was a really wonderful thing. I guess if I had a choice I'll like to stay on as a teacher teaching kids from less developed countries like Cambodia. It's full of fulfillment and mission - elements that I find missing from my life in S'pore.
16 September 2002
I have just scanned a few of the photographs taken during my birthday. You can view them through the links below. Unfortunately most of them turn out blurred. Seems like I'm one of the only few person that can operate the Nikon F-601 with a reasonable standard.
2 October 2002
I am currently putting up another page by the name of 'Child In Time' onto this website. It's going to be a collection of photographs taken throughout my stay in Infantia. You would see much of me though. This new webpage is going to be dedicated to the children of Infantia. At last, after all this time, I am finally prepared to put up the photos of the children onto the www. By the way if you go check out www.uni4cambodia.com you should be able to see my picture on it.
Right now the school is busy entertaining our Swiss sponsor from Geneva. He is a business angel and was voted as one of the top 10 businessman by some Business Week or Fortune magazine. He arrived with a good news. The number of children in the school is going to be increased into 100.
8 October 2002
For the past week I have been suffering from a swollen leg that was caused by of all things a slight scratch against a stone wall. Apparently the wound seemed harmless enough to be ignored. After all this kind of wound I think I had encounter it hundreds of time in S'pore. Unfortunately, this stupid scratch caused my leg to swell so much that I could not walk or stand. Luckily I am lodging in the clinic. Therefore I managed to get first hand medical service constantly. My leg is still quite bad although I am able to walk a bit. Getting damn sick of laying in bed.
Do check out my new page 'Child In Time'. It's hot and fresh.
24 October 2002
Two days ago, I looked up the night sky and saw the 3 Kings and the North Star... It's been almost half a year since I last saw them. Witnessing them always remind me of Gloria and Chek Mee, the two volunteers who were here last December. Such wonderful time sitting on the roof top of our guest house staring at the enormous amount of stars. Now I'm no longer living in the guest house. I've move into the clinic instead. Lost is a wonderful location for viewing the constellation. Nevertheless, I finally figured out the chicken stars that the Khmers were trying so hard to show me. Apparently they are supposed to make out a shape of a chicken... seems more like a coconut tree to me though!
30 October 2002
Things seems to have changed quite a bit lately. These days I usually sleep around 4am and wake up 11am at best. I consume less alcohol but smoke more cigarettes. My intake of rice has fallen since I usually miss lunch. Lunch is served at 11am here. I probably just ended my dream. I eat more corn flakes though. It has became both my breakfast (12am) and my dinner (3am). I'm taking weight gainer and vitamin C. Let's hope that I managed to stay in reasonable health. I believe I should go back to the good old days of stout drinking. My mind seems clearer then. Everyone needs ABC for extra strength. Good news is that the injury to my leg has healed.
The number of students in Infantia have increased from 64 to 101. That's excluding non-boarding students. Been seeing plenty of new faces lately. There are also handicapped students this time round. More cute faces to look at. Just wonder what these kids would be like 10 years down the road. Life changes so much. I wouldn't have though that I'll be here a year ago.
Bad news: The IRAS is planning to fine me for not declaring my earnings. Damn it. I wasn't even in S'pore. What to do? Pay and pay... My brother is trying to settle that for me. Guess he'll have to go through all the troubles. Sigh...
4 November 2002
Spent the past two days at the beaches of Sihanoukville with the kids. It was so good to be back under the sun. Miss those days where my friends Arthur, Jonathan and I would bask under it and drift the day away. Sihanoukville hasn't changed much although a few resorts are starting to rise. I hate to imagine it will one day become over-developed like Phuket or Koh Samui. But I guess this is the fate of all beautiful beaches.
Seems like everywhere we went we brought good business for the sellers. It wasn't exactly a crowded weekend in Sihanoukville. The beaches we went to were quite empty. But once we arrived, the food peddlers and the cameramen on the beaches had a field day. Even the beggars profited from the generosity of the students.
On our return journey, we actually left out two girls from the truck after they went of at a rural marketplace to buy themselves some food. It was only after nearly an hour of drive later that we discovered that the two of them were missing. Luckily one of them had the mobile phone number of one of the staff that was driving a Toyota Hilux some distance behind. By the time I called the same guy to get him to go back to the market, he had already picked up the girls. Thanks goodness! By the way we had a very chaotic excursion in the S'pore sense. With a shout of 'get in the car', everyone is supposed to be in the car. Sometimes the signal for departure was the start of the truck's engine. No headcount and no attendance taking. It's normal though, this is Cambodia.
Do check out the book "Red Dust' which I have just completed, in my paperback writer section. Kind of inspiring.
12 November 2002
I woke up to a different feeling today and I guess it has to happen sooner or later. After being here for almost a year, I'm beginning to feel less enthusiastic about my job. It still ranks as the best thing I have done so far but it is just different now as compared to when I first arrived in Cambodia. Something deep down makes me want to travel again. This is no age for settling down. There are so much more to be discovered out there. Would I be lucky enough to set foot on unknown grounds again? Sometimes such thoughts frighten me. I never seems to be able to commit myself for a long period when it comes to my work. Then again, such is my trait.
To be frank, I getting tired of singing and playing games with the kids. I love teaching the older lads. We can share jokes and topics that are not directly related to the curriculum. It is more communicative. I can't say the same thing for the younger ones. Day in day out of trying to arouse their interest in the subject just drains me out. Sometimes I look into the mirror and wonder am I the same guy that went clubbing and drank beer every night? There is an urgency here. I need to recapture that spirit.
The problem with leaving is how to say goodbye. My boss treats me well and believe that I can stay till December 2003. The school is building a dormitory cum staff hostel. He has already told me that I will be moving in when it is completed in mid-2003. The cook loves me. She often goes out of the way to make special dishes for me. She insists that I must eat more to put on weight. The clerk in the office enjoys discussing about soccer with me. That is very un-Cambodian like for a lady. No gals talks about Ronaldo and Beckham like she does.
The kids are the hardest to let go. How am I going to part with those who deem me as a mentor, as one most capable of sharing with them the views from an outside world? How am I going to part with that little girl who jumps on me like monkey when I am happy and silently sit beside me when I am sad. Finally, how am I going to part with those tearful eyes whenever a volunteer returns home. It took immense resolve to come here. It is going to take even more to leave. It is really a case of the tighter you pull a knot, the harder it is to undo it. Ultimately the time will come for me to bid them farewell. How soon will that be? I just hope I don't overstay my welcome because I am beginning to go through the motion. Guess I am going through mixed feelings right now.
23 November 2002
I received a few emails from some of you the last couple of weeks in response to the thoughts I posted on 12 November. Well, I am not suffering from any misery of sort. It is more the boredom getting more penetrative each day. Life is extremely relax here... to the extend that it is getting aimless. I still felt that I have not changed anybody's life over here even though others might think otherwise. Sigh... I just feel the need to express myself about things that are really going through my head at the moment. I do see myself as losing interest gradually. But I guess such things always happen. Nevertheless, it is not as if I would be heading back anytime soon. I probably have to stay around until at least Chinese New Year. Let's see how.
2 December 2002
It is exactly one year ago this day that I arrived in Cambodia. Such is what I call time flies in the blink of the eyes. What was planned to be a 9 months adventure has now hit its one year mark. I originally thought of throwing a party to mark this milestone... if you can call it one. But I need to keep my purse string tight for the moment especially since I am returning to S'pore on Chinese New Year. I look forward to this return home more than the last two. Not that I miss S'pore much, just that it really is time I should go back home to settle some unfinished business and perhaps look around and find out what I really want to do next. I doubt I will be able to find THE ANSWER for the latter but still it will be good to be away from Cambodia for awhile while I reconsider my future.
9 December 2002
A life less ordinary is slowly becoming a life more ordinary. Because of this I finally managed to have a frank talk with my boss a few days ago. I mentioned to him what my feeling is right now. I made it clear that I am really sick of teaching the grade 1 and 2 kids anymore. Playing games and singing songs just isn't me. My ideas have run dry and going through the motion is a crime really. I need a break from all this. I assured him though that I still enjoy teaching the older kids.
I am kind of surprise by his response. He told me that he do not really need me to teach the beginners. It will do fine as long as I teach enough hours of the kids I'm comfortable with. He also suggested that I take a good break during the Chinese New Year. He said that he do not mind me going back for a couple of months to get myself rejuvenated. If I'm prepared to return and stay till the end of next year, he would gladly pay for my air tickets.
To be honest, I am kind of overcame by his generosity. In return I offered to do more hours of teaching to whoever is poor in this town but interested to study English with me. He told me that that can be arranged as long as I feel comfortable doing it. Seems like such an arrangement might give me a lifeline huh? After all it will remove me from the class that is unsettling me and more importantly it offers a chance for me to do something that I believe I can really feel good about. Something good seems like in the air again.
18 December 2002
It is finally confirmed. I will be back on 31 December 2002. I will first have to leave Kampong Chhnang on the morning of 30 December and travel all the way to the border of Cambodia and Thailand. It will probably be evening when I reach the Thai border. From there I will have to travel a further few hours before I reach Bangkok, where I will stay overnight. My plane will leave on the evening of 31 December. I am scheduled to arrive in S'pore around 2325hrs. Damn timing. I guess that's it for the countdown. Doesn't matter anyway. Just glad to be back after such a long hiatus.
I am really not sure of what I will be doing after I returned. This time round I will be staying around for about 3 to 4 months before I return here again. Wonder if I could find anything to do in such a short period of time. If there is nothing for me then I am done. I guess you call this reality bites. Nevertheless, I hope that I can return to reorganize my lesson plan and get some important materials to aid me in my work here.
Well, one thing for sure, I will try my best to get in touch with as many of you as possible. Perhaps just a chat over the phone or something. if there is no avenue for me to gain some cash when I am back then I will probably be staying home. I think that that's just how life will be for me when I step back into S'pore.
20 December 2002
Yesterday I went to a temple on top of Udon Mountain. It was the temple's opening ceremony. From the top of the mountain one can see the beautiful farming landscape. It was around 8pm when my colleagues and I arrived at the top of the temple. Usually one would not be able to see much at this time of the day. But it was a fantastic full moon yesterday and the moonlight was shining brightly on the landscape. The result is a misty view of the farmlands below. Majestic to say the least.
It was like a carnival at the foot of the mountain. Food stalls were lined on both sides of the road the human traffic is just enormous. Groups of guys could be seen trying to woo the opposite sex. One of my students told me that girls at such occasion can be easily hook for sex! Hell! In the opening ceremony of a temple!!?? Anyway, the really down part of the occasion was the amount of beggars which I witnessed. There were probably more than a hundred. Cambodia is after all a country whereby large part of the population is still stuck in abject poverty. It was a numbing sight really.
28 December 2003
Guess this is the last time I am going to update this website for this year. So long for 2002. I really do not know what I will be doing in the next few months back home. But I will be back here again in April. Who knows? Perhaps earlier. That depends on how bored and sick I might be in S'pore.
I am currently packing my room. Bet I'll have to leave many things behind. There is no need to bring too much stuff back anyway. It is a really weird kind of feeling to be honest. It is called home coming but somehow I have never been more at home than where I am now. Nevertheless, it is necessary to be home just to show my face around. It is good too to be back to view the signatures and messages that some of you left at the back of my bedroom door. It is probably right to say that I am a person torn between two different parts of the world.
Finally I would like to say that 2002 has been a wonderful year for me. Not only did I spend some of the most meaningful time of my life in Cambodia, I also managed to have a short holiday in Thailand. I got myself a new tattoo which was what I wished for at the start of the year. And just a week ago, I had my hair shaved off. So life is still kind of crazy for me. And some craziness is essential for me to feel normal really. Yes, I did lost my way a little a month back or so. I was not really sure of what I was planning to do next. But I believe that the problem had been solve now. My future in Infantia is clearer. And that is worth celebrating.
Talking about celebrating, the kids are throwing a farewell party for me tonight. Guess It's boozing with the big boys again.
See you guys when I am back. And have a Happy New Year! (By the way, Christmas was a no event here)
So unfortunate. All good things come to an end. My wonderful time at Cambodia also ended prematurely. I did return to Kampong Chhnang in Febuary 2004 and stayed there for 6 months but it was nothing compared to the first stint. Nevertheless, I hope I'll be back again to this spiritual home of mine. May the light of Buddha guide the way for the kids.
i me mine
my back pages - before the dawn - paperback writer - under the influence - some might say
kampuchea
wish you were here - tonle sap - sihanoukville - phnom penh - temples of angkor - kampong chhnang - child in time
