Before the Dawn
a little about myself prior to my Cambodian adventure

I really hated what I study during my polytechnics days. Business is really none of my business. I prefer the fields of arts like political science, sociology and history. Sadly I blew it when I had a chance to go into Junior College. With no other choice, I chose to do a Diploma in Business Management. It’s almost like a death sentence upon my graduation. Flip the papers and there were so many jobs that I’m able to choose from. But frankly, there was nothing I wanted to do. NOTHING!

I went through about 3 perm jobs in less than a period of 1 ½ years. From admin to help desk to marketing, there just don’t seem to be something I really love doing. The jobs themselves suck. The thought of doing something that was in no way significantly beneficial for me or for others made the whole situation worse.

I often had the thought of furthering my studies. But my subject of interest lies in the arts and not some economics, finance, marketing or management modules. To study the former means having to do all subjects with no exemptions. That would take a long, long time. Hell, I gave up just by imagining the whole process. I don’t come from a rich family therefore I was unable to opt for overseas education. A part-time study was probably the only way to pursue what I wanted. Unfortunately, part-time study is lengthy and tends to kill off one’s social life.

Sometimes I have the urge to just go for a half past six business degrees offered by half past six educational centres. After all, I’ll tell myself it was still a degree. But f**k that! I’m glad I did not sign up for such a course for I would have plunge myself further into the mire of the business industry. think of what I want to do then. Same answer: NOTHING!

Guess I have resigned to the fate that my study days are over. I told myself that one just have to take each day as it is and see what happens. This perspective has been fundamental in my life. During my school days I often face the prospect of failing but I always told myself of the above. When I joined the workforce it was like all the shit would kill me someday but once again I told myself the same thing. It has been so long since I’ve made any major plans.

I was going through the biggest question mark of my life during my previous job at a private educational centre. My pay sucked, even though I don’t really have much to do except certain periods. Career wise there was also no potential avenue for progress as the company was small. Worse, my boss refused to confirm me even after my 3 months probation citing merger as a reason for the delay which dragged on for almost another 3 months.  These are not the main problems though. Far from it.

I get no satisfaction serving my customer. In fact, I felt extremely miserable knowing I had to go to work each day to serve people that I much rather not talk to. Almost like everyone else, except for what I know, I took it damn negatively. This really was the main reason why I was so quick to leave the organisation when the opportunity arises. People that know me well understand that even if the money is good I never support the notion that  it’s ok to take a shitty job.

The opportunity for me to get a life came while I was going through the same old daily struggle of finding new customers. Since I was handling a Bachelor of Nursing programme and my main target was registered nurses, naturally I look for one of my Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) friend, Eileen, who had graduated with a Diploma in Nursing and was at that time working as a nurse. I called her up one day to try and get her to help me sell my course to her colleagues. She sounded very surprised when she received my call. After all, it’s been over a year since we graduated and we had not been keeping in touch. She then ask me whether I’m calling her to find out if there were any kind of overseas community services that she could offer.

Well, during our NYP days, Eileen and I were members of the NYP Rotaract Club and we were once on a Rotary sponsored trip to Northern Thailand for some community services. It was quite a meaningful journey and people involved had always been talking about going on such a trip again. Little was I to expect that she would offer me in her capacity of president of one of the Rotaract Club, a chance to teach English in Cambodia. It was both ironic and fateful. I called her to get her to help me in my work. In the end she offered me something so good that perhaps I’ll never be able to repay her. 

I was easy to say goodbye. My family is a concern, but they know me too well that the way I want to live my life is just so different from many others. Having two brothers also help alleviate my parents yearning for me to be at home. Then there were my lust for Japanese comics, BK’s whopper, broadband internet, the swimming pool, the beaches and of course, Zouk. But then again, the lust for a more meaningful life is paramount.

Friends are the ones more difficult to leave behind especially those who believe in better living through chemistry. However, these are friends that need no get-together to prove that the friendship is still strong. Moreover, I have their blessing to accompany me on my journey. For those that still believe I had made the worst decision of my life, go read the book “A Fortune Teller Told Me” by Italian journalist Tiziano Terzani. My answer for this journey is hidden in it.

Free as a bird... finally...